


Discipline (Catharsis)

by RoseArcaneum



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Bathing/Washing, Clothed/Not Clothed, Consensual Kink, Humiliation, Light Dom/sub, Light Humiliation, M/M, Not Beta Read, Safe Sane and Consensual, Spanking, Spoilers, Spoilers up to C2E120, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-14
Updated: 2021-01-14
Packaged: 2021-03-12 05:29:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,168
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28755147
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RoseArcaneum/pseuds/RoseArcaneum
Summary: Essek feels guilty for what he's done. But there is no one to punish him. Or is there.OrCaleb teaches Essek a little about catharsis.
Relationships: Essek Thelyss/Caleb Widogast
Comments: 7
Kudos: 99





	Discipline (Catharsis)

Guilt was an uncomfortable and unfamiliar feeling for Essek. He attempted to focus on his tasks here on this frozen island, but when night came it all came crashing down on him. He missed his friends, if they even still considered him a friend. He tried not to think about that part too much.

He couldn't stop thinking about that part. 

~~~

He's in a meeting when it happens. 

_ Hi! We’re heading to Aeor. The Nonagon is here. Can you help us? We’re looking for threshold crests. Do you have any knowledge, huh?  _

This was it! This was them! That was unmistakably Jester's  _ sending  _ spell. He excuses himself from his meeting and formulates a quick reply.

_ Jester, it has been a bit. That was a lot. But Aeor. Interesting. I’m at a Vurmas outpost to its east. _

The second message hits home the same as the first.

_ Essek! Do you want to meet us? Things are dangerous! It’s important! We just left A5 whatever that means. Meet you by the flow change? _

How he longs to go off with them on their adventure. He sighs.

_ It is fortuitous that it seems our paths unite? I currently oversee this outpost and cannot leave. But feel free to visit. _

He hopes they will.

~~~

It takes them two weeks to reach out again. Jester had said things were dangerous. It had been a nerve wracking two weeks. So many things could go wrong here in Eiselcross. From the wandering beasts to simply the weather. It was all dangerous. And what of this Nonagon? Was that dangerous too? Most likely. When he heard Jester's voice in his head again she sounded exhausted.

_ Hi Essek, we're on our way to the outpost. Everyone is alive. Barely. Did you miss us? Do you have any pastries? Do do do- _

Weight lifted from him that he didn't know he'd been carrying.

_ Yes Jester, I did. Sadly, no pastries. But I have hot food and shelter if you require it. I look forward to your company. _

~~~

It takes them another two days to arrive. He knows immediately when they do. There's a huge commotion at the front gate. He moves quickly towards it. When he arrives it appears they are in the middle of an argument with the guards.

"We are heroes of the Dynasty! Let us in please!" Jester, as exuberant as ever is yelling at the guards.

Caleb motions for her to settle down. "We are here to see your Shadowhand, Essek Thelyss. He invited us here." His presence brings a calm to both Essek and the Group.

"Let them in," he calls. "They speak the truth."

The guards nod and open the gate. Jester is hugging him immediately. Caduceus pats him on the shoulder. Veth and Beau glare at him just barely holding back smiles. Yasha is a calm presence in the rest of the chaos of their arrival.

"Please, come in you must be freezing." he leads them into the outpost. 

Caleb steps up to walk besides him. "Do you have somewhere private? There is something we'd like to show you."

"There are my quarters and office, neither is large enough to fit us all comfortably."

Caleb smiles. "That will not be an issue."

"Very well." Essek leads them to his meager office where Caleb immediately gets to work setting up his components. Essek watches with great curiosity. It would seem that he had learned a lot since their last meeting. 

A minute later at Caleb's gesture a doorway opens and they all step through. Caleb, hanging behind holds his hand out for Essek to follow. He does and as he steps into the tower his breath is stolen away.

"Caleb, this is magnificent."

"You haven't even seen the best part yet." Caleb steps forward and begins to float.

Essek begins to cast  _ levitate  _ but Caleb stops him.

"You don't need to here. Come. Just think of the direction you'd like to go. It only works in the column of the irises though."

They both rise through the iris above to find the rest of the Mighty Nein setting up tables with what look like large, translucent, amber cats helping them. He makes a face and Caleb turns to him.

"Cats!" He holds his arms out in a presentory manner, showing off the ethereal cats.

"Of course they're cats." Essek smiles at Caleb.

Caleb turns to one of the cats. "Johann, please inform the kitchen that we would like a very warm, comforting meal. Perhaps a stew. And some pastries." He turns to Essek, "Anything you would like?"

"No, no stew sounds wonderful, thank you."

The cat rushes off up what looks like a ramp into the wall. He turns to the tables where the rest are now sitting, waiting and talking quietly. 

Caleb leads him to the table and gestures for him to sit. He himself takes the seat next to it.

They chat comfortably telling him all about their adventure and who nearly died. The many cats stream forth from the kitchen bringing large, steaming pots and set them on the table. Others bring the place settings and soon they are all, for a rare moment, silent as they dig into the meal. 

Some time later the cats bring out beautiful, just-baked pastries much to Jester's delight. Essek loses himself in their chatter. They make him feel like he is home. Even though home never felt like this.

Essek's expression darkens.  _ Does he deserve this? After what he's done. Done to the world, to them.  _

Caleb looks over and places a hand on his shoulder. "Is everything alright?" He looks concerned and Essek panics.

"Yes I'm fine." he knows Caleb doesn't believe him but he lets it drop.

Caduceus yawns. "I'm off to bed, I suggest we all head up there, take a nice, hot bath. Rest well everyone." He gives one last look to the table as he gets up, walks to the center of the room and floats up to where Essek assumes his quarters are.

One by one they all say goodnight and float up. All of them except Caleb. He is still there looking at him.

"Come friend let me show you your room." Caleb stands and leads him to the iris where he floats up, gently waiting for Essek to follow. The next floor is beautiful like the first, each door has its own symbol corresponding to each party member. One of them has his towers on it he realizes.

"I have my own room..." he trails off. "Caleb, I- can we talk? Privately?"

" _ Ja _ , of course, let me show you my room. It is more secure." He leads him again towards the iris and floats up. 

Essek, follows.  _ He missed them so much. How could they just let him back in as if nothing had happened? How could he ever truly redeem himself in their eyes? In his eyes? _

His mind is swirling with thoughts of guilt and regret. He follows Caleb blindly up and up until finally they reach his room.

It's just them in there. The rest of the Mighty Nein are asleep elsewhere in the tower.

"You wanted to talk?" Caleb's eyes search Essek's face.

Esseks facade drops. "I-I am so glad to see you again. I didn't know if I ever would again. I know you said- I just. I missed you.

Caleb steps towards him and slowly reaches out a hand to Essek's face. Before Essek can understand what's happening Caleb is gently wiping away a tear on his cheek.

"Caleb. I-"

"We- I missed you too Essek. Of course we would come see you again. I expected it to be after this venture up here and back in Rosohna but I'm happy for it to be sooner."

Essek is shaking now, tears streaming down his face.

"I didn't know if I  _ deserved  _ to see you again. I've tried so hard Caleb. I'm trying to leave things better than I found them, than I made them. But what I've done, now that I care, it keeps me awake at night. I didn't know elves could have nightmares. I didn't know my trances could be haunted by these visions. Endless visions...

"People I'm responsible for, that I got killed. I didn't know trying to be good would feel like this. I've done so much wrong in my life, how could I ever do enough to compensate?"

Caleb's hand rests on his cheek now, the tears coming too quickly to stem the tide. 

"I just want them to stop. But- there's no one to punish me for my sins."

"Essek- What if I could-" Caleb hesitates.

Looking panicked for a moment, Essek rushes out. "Please don't leave me... I couldn't bear it if you-"

" _ Nein _ ! No... I'm not going to leave you. What if I could offer some relief? Some corporeal punishment? It would be separate from everything, like make believe. It would stay here in this moment. In the tower. Only you and I would know." Caleb waits with bated breath. Had he gone too far?  _ Verdammt.  _ He didn't want to scare Essek away.

Essek's eyes widened and he stopped crying.

"You would do that?" Esseks breaths were shallow.

" _ Ja _ , if you'd like." Caleb blushed ever so slightly. "To help a friend? Anything. It helped me for a while."

"For a while?" Essek was breathless. "What happened? Why did you stop?"

"Ah, I lost trust in the companions that were helping me." There is a lost look in his eyes. He shakes his head. "But I'll never forget the calm it brought."

Caleb pulls the other wizard over to a table in the corner. 

"Tobias, some tea please, herbal." The amber cat that had appeared out of nowhere meowed and set off to bring them tea.

"Please, sit. We will need to discuss specifics if we want to do this safely." Caleb pulled the chair out for Essek. 

"Now, how painful do you want this to be, physically?" Caleb looked calm and matter of fact. It helped steady his nerves. 

Essek inhaled a deep breath, and dove in. "I think moderate should be sufficient. I am not used to much pain, at least not physical pain." Esseks ear twitched. This was way outside his comfort zone. But, he mused, this is Caleb. He would not truly hurt him. Not on purpose. And there is purposeful intent in his eyes and the way he was approaching this.

"And how painful do you want this to be emotionally? How do you want to feel?"

Essek paused, it was then that the cat, Tobias? Brought them tea. He took it from the ethereal cat and sipped. It was good.

"I think, I think I'd like to be gently humiliated if that makes any sense. I don't want to hear accusations from you, I don't think I could bear it. But, I'd like to feel a little extra shame."

It takes a moment for Caleb to think this over.

"What if I were to spank you over my knee? Would that be enough?"

Essek inhaled sharply. "Yes. I think that will do." Wait, what if? Would that be too far?

"What if I were stripped bare? Would that be alright?"

Caleb's heart pounded in his chest. That would be so close to his greatest dream, his worst nightmare. Well not his worst. To have a naked Essek in his lap- 

"Ja, that would be fine. As long as you are comfortable with that." he kept his breathing even, his gaze level. This was to help Essek, not for him.

"There is one more level of humiliation we could add. If you'd like." Caleb trailed off.

"Yes?"

"I could make you count each stroke."

"Yes."

"Alright, so. So far we have me spanking you over my knee, with you stripped bare and counting each stroke. Is that correct?" 

Essek felt flushed at it all being put so plainly.

"That is correct. Are we doing this now?" 

"I thought we could finish our tea first." Caleb smiled. "There is one more thing I'd like to discuss as well. I don't play around with consent. If you would like for me to stop please say so and I will stop immediately. If you just need a break but would like to keep going that is fine as long as you are not pushing yourself too far. Also. I will be caring for you afterwards, that is part of my needs if we are to do this."

Essek nods. "That is agreeable." He sips at his tea. There is none left. He glances up to Caleb to see him finishing off the last of his tea as well.

"Shall we?" Caleb stands and gestures towards the door to the next room.

Essek stands and proceeds through the offered doorway. Inside is a large copper tub filled with steaming water. It sits at the foot of a large but plain bed. The room smells slightly floral.

Caleb tucks an errant strand of hair back in place on Essek's head. His face, while it remains kind, grows more serious.

"Strip." He goes over and sits at the head of the bed, his legs spread before him.

Essek does as he's told. There is far less fanfare than he would have expected of himself. He's not trying to be seductive, he reminds himself. He is here to be punished and humiliated. A part of him thrums at the thought.

"Come here Essek." His tone is gentle but firm and leaves no room for argument.

He walks over to the edge of the bed where he hesitates. For just a moment. Before Caleb reaches out a hand to guide him into his lap face down. Caleb guides him to adjust himself to where his hips are directly above Caleb's lap, his ass in the air and his soft cock hanging down between Caleb's legs.

Essek is blushing furiously now, the humiliation of being naked, ass up in someone's lap is not something he has ever experienced before. But this is not just anyone. This is Caleb, his friend. He trusts this man implicitly. Hopes he can earn trust in return someday. But for now they trust each other enough to do this.

Caleb settles a hand on his rear. "Are you ready?"

Essek lets out a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding. "Yes. I am ready."

"Remember to count." Caleb brings his hand down with a soft  _ crack _ . 

"Ah! One." That hadn't hurt as much as he thought it would.

"Good- I'm just getting you warmed up, then we'll really get into it."

_ Crack _ ! 

This one hurt more, but Essek found he didn't mind. "Two!"

"Good."

_ Crack _

"Three." 

Caleb continues to strike him, changing the place he lands frequently and Essek finds he cannot predict where the blows will land.

They continue on for some time. Essek has slowly relaxed into the non-rhythm of Caleb spanking him. He's drifting, his mind clouding over. Simply surrendering himself to this man, this human.

Caleb stops. Had he done something wrong? No, he had been counting. Then what-

Caleb strokes his hair. "Essek, um do you wish to continue? You're-"

It's then that he realizes. He's hard. And the head of his cock is pressing softly into caleb's thigh. He's foggy though and finds he doesn't seem to care. 

"Please- if that's alright?" 

"It is. You no longer need to count. Don't forget if you'd like to stop or pause you only need to say so. Either verbally or you can pull away."

Essek nods.

The strikes come faster now, with more rhythm. Essek is floating. Is he crying? Yes he is crying but that is alright, he feels better than he has in a long while.

_ Crack! _

He lets out a quiet sob. Caleb's hand is immediately on his shoulder, a wordless question. He nods.

"Please- Caleb. Please don't stop."

_ Crack!  _ Caleb strokes a soft hand across his battered bottom, he shudders and lets loose another sob.

_ Crack! Crack! Crack!  _

With a small startle Essek realizes he is close. He needs to warn Caleb or else he's going to come. By the Light he was going to come!

All he manages to get out is, "Caleb!"

Caleb doesn't stop, but by what he says next he knows what about to happen. An encouraging "That's it, let go."

Three more strikes. His vision goes white, his body goes taut and he's coming. Oh Light He's releasing in more ways than one. He is also sobbing. In relief? In pain? No, he enjoyed that. But he is sobbing now and Caleb is stroking his hair with one hand the other on his sure to be bruised tomorrow ass. 

Caleb gently turns him over and cradles him in his lap. Holds him through the tears. Rocks him back and forth, as much as he is able. No words, just a very soothing presence. Caleb strokes his arm.

When he's mostly done crying Caleb wipes away the tears on his face and kisses him briefly on the forehead. "Let's get you some more tea."

Essek nods and clings to him.

Caleb turns to a cat that has appeared at the side of the bed. "Ah, Edel, please bring us some tea and some sliced fruit. Thank you."

The cat meows and turns to run into the wall. Caleb returns his attention to Essek. Wraps his arms around him once more and Essek relaxes. His mind is all floaty still but he's not worried. He knows he is safe and that his faculties will return to him soon. 

The cat returns and sets the tea and fruit on the bedside table. Caleb takes a piece of fruit and holds it to his lips.

"Please, eat."

Essek takes the fruit into his mouth and chews it. Not because he is hungry but because Caleb had asked him to. Caleb had said one of his needs for this was to care for him. That must be what this is.

They sit there for what feels like an eternity and no time at all. Essek's mind is clearing. He looks up at Caleb. He smiles at Essek who notices with a start that not only is Caleb flushed red in the face, he is hard.

Essek flusters, "C-Caleb? Do you need-"

Caleb must have noticed him notice. He shushes him. " _ Nein _ , this was for you. Not for me. Just let me hold you, it will pass. That was very intense,  _ ja _ ?"

He nods. "Intense yes. Intense but good. I feel so light. Thank you." He looks up at Caleb who blushes harder.

"I'm Glad. Come on, up. We're taking a bath."

Essek struggles to get upright but Caleb helps him sit up and scoot to the edge of the bed.

The tub is still steaming as Essek goes over to it. Caleb stands and stretches before stripping down to his underthings which he leaves on. For modesty Essek presumes. Caleb didn't want his erection involved. Essek finds he is mildly sad about this but before he can think on why Caleb gets in the tub and motions for Essek to join him.

They sit there in the tub. Essek in between Caleb's knees and Caleb with his back to the end of the tub. Caleb pulls him to lean against his chest and Essek relaxes in the embrace.

"Thank you Caleb." Essek all but whispers.

"Mm and how do you feel?"

Essek thinks before answering. "I feel- lighter than I have in a very long time. Longer than I can remember, and that's saying something. And sore. Definitely sore."

That gets a chuckle out of Caleb. " _ Gut _ , I'm glad. I am happy I can do that for you."

They stay like that for who knows how long before Essek yawns.

"Come on, up." Caleb insists, guiding Essek up and out of the tub. 

There is a cat there with two towels. Essek takes one and hands the other to Caleb who is stripping out of his wet underwear, no longer hard. Essek muses at finding that a little disappointing.

They dry off and Caleb walks over to a cupboard in the corner. He pulls out two nightshirts and offers one to Essek. 

"Thank you."

" _ Ja _ , come let's sleep."

They both climb in the bed and as they're laying there Essek draws together what courage he has.

"Caleb?"

"Mm?" he peaks an eye open at Essek who is now leaning upon one elbow.

"I know it's selfish but may I ask for one more thing?"

Caleb opens both eyes now, searching Esseks face. "Of course, what is it?"

"Will you kiss me? Please? Have I earned that?"

Caleb leans over and places a hand on his cheek. He sighs, "You didn't need to." and softly brings his lips to Essek's.

Essek lets out the quietest of whimpers. His lips are softer than he had expected, perhaps the bath- Caleb strokes a hand along his cheek.

Caleb smiles, a hint of a twinkle in his eyes. "If you want to do this again let me know?"

Essek is having a hard time catching his breath. "I will... yes I want to.. Again."

He smiles. "Goodnight Essek."

Essek is tranced before his head even hits the pillow.

~~~

Essek comes out of it in what he assumes must be the early hours of the morning. Sure enough as he looks around the dark room he finds the clock on the wall. Of course Caleb would be capable of keeping time in his tower, in his sleep. Essek smiles and lays back down next to his wizard. He startles a bit at the thought but instead of feeling guilty, he decides to just let it flow by.

Watching Caleb sleep is another new experience altogether. His soft breath makes his stomach rise and fall in a gentle rhythm. His ginger hair splayed on the pillow around his head. His eyelashes fall gently on pale cheeks. He looks calm and peaceful. The tension he usually carries is gone. 

Caleb mumbles something in his sleep and his arm flops over Essek's waist pulling him closer. He let's him, closing his eyes he lets himself drift in Caleb's embrace.

~~~

Morning comes and Caleb stretches. He opens his eyes and smiles looking at Essek. 

"Good morning. How was your trance?"

Essek opens his eyes again to find Caleb looking at him with a soft expression on his face. "It was good. No disturbances whatsoever."

  
  


"That is excellent news! My plan worked then?" He teases. 

Essek blushes as the memory of the night before hits him again. "I suppose it did, thank you."

Caleb lays a hand on Essek's hip as hesitantly as though asking permission. Essek settles into the touch granting it. Caleb trails a hand from his hip over the curve of his ass. 

"And how are you feeling? Physically I mean?"

Esseks sighs and barely prevents a moan slipping out. "Sore. But I find I don't mind it at all. It's a nice reminder."

" _ Gut _ , I'm glad you'll have that reminder. If our healing rate is similar you'll have it for a few days at least." He pauses, "How are you feeling emotionally?"

Esseks eyes search his face. "Good, calmer. Much calmer. I don't feel as though I were punished though."

"Catharsis comes in many forms. Sometimes we just need a little guidance to experience it."

"Thank you, Caleb." Essek leans in to see if he still has permission to kiss him.

Caleb closes the gap in a chaste press of their lips. 

"Lets freshen up and go meet the others for breakfast."

Essek groans at that. "Jester will be insufferable and Caduceus will take one look and know exactly what happened."

Caleb laughs. "True, but you love them and they love you, even those still working on forgiveness." He smiles. "Jester likes to sleep in though, so the longer we're up here the better chance she has of directly finding out we slept in the same room."

Caleb's stomach growls. "Besides I am quite hungry."

"Alright."

Essek kisses him once more before they get up, get dressed and float down stairs.

The tables are set out from the night before and Essek breathes a sigh of relief that no one else is up yet. That is, before Caduceus comes out of the kitchen.

"Ah, good morning!"

"Good morning Caduceus." Caleb calm as ever replies.

"Did you have a good evening?" Caduceus is smiling knowingly.

"Yes, I taught our friend something new last night."

"Oh? What did you learn?" Caduceus is looking at him now. 

He panics. He can't think of a good lie. Then he reminds himself: this is the Mighty Nein, and Caduceus no less. So he settles on the truth. 

"He taught me a little about catharsis."

"I'm glad. You two settle down. I'm gonna go back and help in the kitchen. We're having waffles. 

Essek smiled. They really were his friends. He is so glad.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! This was my first time writing fanfiction but I had the scenario in my mind and it wouldn't go away, so voila!
> 
> Please keep feedback positive or constructive. Both are welcome!


End file.
